


Keep Fighting Even When You Want to Die

by hamilton_fanatic1776



Category: Hamiton Musical
Genre: Depression, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 04:45:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15789222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamilton_fanatic1776/pseuds/hamilton_fanatic1776
Summary: Lafayette feels like he can't cope with his past and wants to end it. But luckily he has his loving boyfriend, Hercules to be there when he needs him most.





	Keep Fighting Even When You Want to Die

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning if you got this far: This is really dark. It talks about suicide attempts, self harm, PTSD, etc. You've been warned.
> 
> Note: I'm not suicidal. I suffer from the symptoms of PTSD. I know what I've gone through isn't as bad as war is, but in this story it just made sense to me. I've been the victim of myself when it comes to self harm. If anyone reading this is suicidal please call a hotline and talk to someone. Don't end your life. People do care. <3

Lafayette sat in the corner and hid his face in his knees, tears flowing down his cheeks.

“I can’t do this anymore...I don’t want to do this anymore.”

He picked up his blade and re opened several of his wounds he made from cutting. He let the blood run down his arms and sobbed.

"I'm done..."

Hercules Mulligan came home early from his shift at the office and set his bags next to the door.

“Laf? I’m home!”

Lafayette froze, softening his cries and whispered to himself.

“No no no no, he wasn’t supposed to come home yet!”

Hercules picked up Lafayette’s letter he set on the counter and read it.

*Herc, I’m so sorry you had to see me like this. I just can’t deal with having to relive the war again and again. I’m going insane. The doctor’s say it’s all in my head. That’s the problem. I would have rather gotten killed than reliving the screams, the cannons, the faces of our fallen brothers...I can’t live like this anymore. I’m so so sorry, I love you so much.

~Lafayette*

Hercules went pale as he ran up the stairs. Lafayette locked the door and grabbed his pistol.

“MARQUIS DE LAFAYETTE OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!”

Lafayette became numb after crying so much and held the gun to his side. He knew it wouldn’t kill him immediately, but he needed to feel physical pain before he died. He didn’t want to die numb to everything.

Mulligan kicked down the door as Lafayette pulled the trigger.

“LAFAYETTE NO!”

He grabbed the gun sobbing and threw it across the room before dropping to the floor. He grabbed Lafayette’s phone and called 911. He explained everything through sobs and held a towel to his side.

“Laf, I swear to god if you die on me, I will kick your ass in the afterlife! I will not lose you!”

Lafayette weakly brushed the tears from his face as the sirens wailed in front of their house.

“Don’t forget me, Herc. I’m sorry…”

Hercules held him until they took him away. He got in his car and followed them to the hospital. Lafayette was immediately rushed into surgery. Mulligan sat in the waiting room trying to quiet his cries, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lose his other half.

“Please don’t stop fighting, Laf. I need you.”

It wasn’t until hours later he got his answer.

“Hercules, come with me.”

He got up and followed him, expecting to hear that he needed to plan a funeral for his fiancé. They led him into his room where he saw his eyes fluttering open. He ran over and gently grabbed his hands sobbing harder than ever.

“Laf, baby, I love you. Please tell me what you’re going through. Always.”

He looked up still groggy from the anesthesia and reached for his face.

“Herc…”

He shook his head.

“Shh, save your strength.”

Lafayette squeezed his hand weakly.

“I love you too. I’m so…”

Mulligan leaned down and kissed him softly.

“I’m going to get you help. And I’ll be there for you every step of the way. You’re not alone, Lafayette.”

Tears dripped down Lafayette’s face and onto the crisp white hospital pillows.

“Ok, Thank you mon ami.”

Hercules brought his hand to his chest.

“Don’t ever leave me like this, please. I can’t handle another heartbreak. I know it’s hard, but I want to help you. I love you more than words will ever be able to say.”

Lafayette let a small smile creep over his lips.  
“I won’t. I never want to leave you, I don’t want to put you through this again.”

Hercules sat in a chair next to his bed and held his hand as Lafayette drifted into a temporary sleep.

“There’s a million things we haven’t done….just you wait...just you wait....”


End file.
